Memorial Service

Teds Memorial service will be held at the Church of Ascension in Norfolk VA.

405 Talbot Hall Road, Norfolk VA at 11am on December 6, 2008.

If the weather is good it should be outside at the River Pavillion behind the churchs educational wing. If the weather is not good it will be held in the parish. If we are having it outside you may not want to wear heals. Please be comfortable. I'll post more details when I have them.

In Lieu of flowers, you can make a donation to the kids for college or a charity of your choice.

Some information

Well we are all hanging in there. You definatly know something is missing in our life. Thanksgiving was a quiet one, we went to the movies. We saw two movies one was just not long enough. Our butts were killing us but it was good to be out of the house. The evenings are the toughest part of all of this. Usually the kids are busy with this and that...and it would be just Ted and I having dinner or watching TV. Now it's me and the dog. Well I haven't gotton the place settled yet for his memorial service. Because of the Holidays, this hasn't made things easy. Sorry for the language...but Ted did tell me last week that it was going to be "Fucked up next week" (meaning this week) But whether we can have the service at the place he chose or not. I will make sure the service is on Saturday Dec. 6th. Not sure of the time yet. I would assume in the afternoon. I will post some Hotels below just in case anyone needs one.

Motel 6
I-264 To Exit 17B Independence Blvd.
4760 Euclid Road
Virginia Beach, VA 23462
(757) 499-1935
Only about a mile from our house. about 45 a night

Candlewood Suites
4437 BONNEY ROAD
VIRGINIA BEACH, VA 23462
UNITED STATES
Hotel Reservations: 1 800 225 1237
Again only about a mile from our house.

Hilton Garden Inn Virginia Beach Town Center
252 Town Center Drive
Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA, 23462
1-757-326-6200
Just down the blvd.

You can also search Days Inn
on the oceanfront or Bonney Rd. But the one on Bonney is actually like a Motel.
www.daysinn.com These range from 44 to 69 a night.

If your not sure of a hotel ask me, i'll let you know if I know anything.


For his service we are asking anyone who would like to speak and tell a story about Ted or just say a few words. He wants a party, he wants to be "roasted". There is no religious service, but will be a spiritual service. The service should be outside, but we may have to get a hall depending on the weather. Family and close friends will be asked to come back to the house after the service, to continue our "party". He also asked that no one dresses in suits and formal wear. He would like everyone to dress as he knows you. I may wear my jeans, but haven't decided yet. Well that is what I know right now. If you need anything email me.

Our Superman Flies with the Angels

So many of my blogs where easy to write. Day to day drama, lifes little and large moments. Tonights blog is the hardest one I have ever had to write. I tried last night at 1am to write it. But I was at a loss for words. I had about 4 hours of sleep in those 48 hours. I did sleep last night, about 6 hours pretty much out of exhaustion. I've will actually post a few blogs tonight. Because, i've just realized that I never posted the mid-day blog and others that I wrote on Novemeber 25. I only posted it in myspace.

As I wrote in the blog he had started to finally rest comfortabley during the day. He started to jump and shake again later that evening. I couldn't get him to stop this time only slow down. His Brother stopped by after work, and spent some time with him. I called his sisters in New York and on speaker phone they talked with him telling him they loved him. He may not have been able to speak but he definatly knew they were there. His eyes brightened and he tried to say I love you too. I think he needed to hear from his brother and sisters. Sometimes he looked very scared but he did managed to say not scared. He held onto my hand until the very last moments. As hard as it was, he said he wanted me and the kids with him. Hospice told me, that some won't die with people in the room. I know he didn't want to be alone. He wanted his family with him and we were. Ted became an Angel at 8:30pm on November 25, 2008. He was, is and always will be the love of my life, my best friend and the best Dad ever.

Thank you for changing your prayers, I think it helped. For some reason I felt like it was holding him there...I don't know why but it was why i needed to say something. The path cleared for him, peace, no pain. That is what gets me through this. Knowing he is no longer in pain, no longer tied to his cancerous body. He is Free and flying with the Angels.

I will be posting more information about the service and our adjustments too. Thank you so much for everything. Love to all.

Nov 25th-26th......1AM

Our Superman is an Angel Tonight


Tonight my life changed. In so many ways that I can't even imagine yet. I'm not even sure how to type the rest of this blog.

I decided not too now. I want too and I will.....but i'm tired and have had no sleep in the last two days.

Midday Report Nov 25th.....

I am so sorry I never posted this blog. I thought I had, but it was only posted in Myspace.

Midday report.....


I wanted to blog early while I had the chance. I didn't sleep well last night but did get a few hours. Ted unfortunatly did not. He was still jumping and had his eyes awake and couldn't sleep. He definatly was not responding well this morning either. I think he was so exhausted from fighting all night that he just didn't have the energy. Someone posted something about Ativan. And I've been telling hospice I don't like it. I didn't think that he was responding to it. I really think this was one of those things that he just doesn't respond well too. He usually is one of those 1% people. He has been his whole fight, the doctors learned that real quick. Well finally he settled down this morning. I had given him some baclofen and he was quiet and not jerking around for about a half hour. He started again but that was ok cause with that rest he was talking a little more. The nurses came and cleaned him up and did a few other things. I gave him some meds and he pulled me closer and kissed me three times.....then asked for his mom. He is such a mama's boy. LOL. He was still jerking around some but eventually he settled down one more time. Funny both times we were talking softly about the past and I think he liked that. So the kids came home and we sat with him for a while. He started shaking again and Kyle said I love you and he stopped. I wasn't in the room but he mentioned something about 3:30 and at exactly 3:30 he started fighting again. But we got him to settle down within a few minutes. Sam held his hand and he is once again quite. So I end this blog here...Know that your prayers for peace are being answered. Thank you so much. It helps me and the kids to know he is comfortable. Thank you.

A Friends Blog (Nov 25 AM)

I wanted to share this blog that a fellow Myspacer wrote. She writes so well her self and I love her attitude. Her blog was so sweet (some might say very unlike her) that I wanted to share with you all. I hope she doesn't mind.

Living strong and not-so-strong

Today's blog for thought:


I found Karen's MySpace blog a year or so ago, when I was desperately trolling the internet looking for stories of Stage IV colon cancer survivors. Karen wrote about how her beloved husband Ted had been fighting the cancerous beast since 2003, and seemed to be coming out on top.

Not anymore. Ted is now at home, receiving hospice care as he nears the end of the road. In her blog, Karen often apologizes for sharing the truth about how difficult it is to witness a loved one die. Her courage and honesty are truly amazing. Big Famous Lance talks about living strong, but the Tour de France is a stroll on the Seine compared to this. Dying is an ugly, dirty, serious business.


We American folk have a cultural aversion to discussing anything to do with death, and I believe it's to our detriment. Few of us have the courage to do what Karen is now doing: being present in the moment that our loved one needs us the most. In the blog, her fear is evident, but so is her resolve to give Ted whatever he needs to pass in love and peace. During the holidays we think a lot about giving gifts, but there's no greater one than that.


Someday Karen and her kids will realize how strong she really is. I think Ted already has.


http://www.myspace.com/theradicalhousewife

Monday November 24, 2008

Today was not a good day as predicted it was worse. I've been up since 3am where I sat by his bed and tried to calm Ted. His heart was racing and he couldn't calm down. He tried several times to get out of bed but I would not let him. Believe me he tried. We had an issue with his colostomy, he ended up having a lot of blood. Not sure what the was all about. But it didn't look healtly. Hospice came and cleaned him up. I just don't do well with blood and it didn't smell real well. (this is as real as it gets people) Up until this afternoon he has been able to communicate with us a little bit. He would say I love you back. He would ask for water. He would even ask some questions or make statements. (ex. Honey...come high or hell water, you better clean up that desk) haha....go figure... But this evening seems to be the worse yet...and i've stopped and restarted this paragraph about 5 times going in to check on him. I've got tears running down my face and I don't know if i'm going to sleep tonight. I can almost read in his face that he understands me but he just can't communicate. But he also NOT just laying there comfortable, he keeps jumping, fidgeting...it's not a good thing. He can't rest....he is still restless and i've tried everything that they gave me and he just hasn't settled down yet. Somehow this is not right. I wish he would just rest, he hasn't slept almost as long as I haven't slept. But he is doing more work then I am.

Please pray that he settles down and goes with peace in his heart. So many people have prayed that he makes it through the holidays, that he gets better. There is no better and if he makes it through the holidays it will not be a holiday. I just want peace for Ted and peace for my family. You would too if you saw the tears in my daughters eyes, and the sadness in my son's face.

Sorry this was so raw...this is life.

End of a long week.....

It's been a long week. (I guess I said that in the last post) I"m exhausted, we did get sleep last night, i'm thankful for that. Today was a tough day, ted has been talking silly all day. Not making much sense, but he does know who people are. His cousin Kathleen stopped by and asked about relatives if they new the end was close. I was glad to see he was putting people together still. He knows the kids and will talk with them, then fades off. I can only imagine tomorrow will be worse. I can't leave the room or close proximaty very long. He got out of bed again today. Wanted to brush his teeth. So I pushed him in the office chair. It worked, he is much lighter then in the pictures you all have seen. I really should have gotton the scale out. But maybe I really don't want to know. Honestly this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. And I can safely say it's the hardest thing Ted has ever done. But we will get through this, our love will get us through this. Sometimes he knows what's going on, sometimes like today he asked me when will he be able to do more. It just breaks my heart, cause he has always been a hard worker. Right up to a couple of weeks ago, even "our" thanksgiving weekend. He went out to the garage to show the guys stuff, had cigar out of the front porch and talked about the tattoo he wanted. I really hope they have tattoo shops in Heaven. If not...he may lobby for one. haha......I know these blogs are hard to read, they are hard to write. But they do help me in someways too. Journaling, it will help me remember every moment of his life. I do leave out somethings...things you all just don't need to know....LOL...I don't want Ted to haunt me because I embarrassed him or picked on him. haha... Well I hope i have another good night. Love to all. Karen

Saturday, Nov 22, 2008

It's been a very long week. Ted's Sister Jodie had to go home today. I was really sad to see her go. She was such a big help and has such a way with Ted. Last night he decided to go for another walk to the bathroom. Not really sure why. Just insisted on it. Jodie came to my rescue and got him to go back to bed. I think he can't tell her no. Anyways, once we got him settled again. He was down for the night. He had a good day today, he slept and had a few visitors that he enjoyed. He did say he misses people. I think he is getting sick of looking at the bedroom walls. He told me his eyes aren't good and everything is blurry. I can't even imagine (and i'm living it with him), what he is going through. How he feels and how he interprets things. He doesn't communicate real well. He gets things mixed up, but I wonder if his thoughts are mixed up too or does his mind think straight and his words are backwards, kinda like dyslexia. He was up and visited with his brother and they shared a root beer. Ted only had a sip or two, but he said he had a good time. Well i'm hoping for a good night tonight. My friend is here with me, just in case of a rough night.

Friday, November 21, 2008

I guess in a way this has become more of a diary for me. A public one but from the responses I have received many are grateful. Thank you so much for all your support.

Last night was rough. He couldn't sleep and became very agitated. He actually got up and went in the bathroom. He has two nephrostomys so he does not have to urinate. But I guess the senstion was there and the only way to relieve it was to be in the bathroom. Ya know when you don't have to go, but if your in the bathoom, all of a sudden you have too. Well I guess it's something like that. But he made it there and back, he is one determined man. He had some pain last night and we had to keep hitting the button, so he wouldn't sleep cause he wanted to make sure he stayed at that level. I woke Jodie up at 5:30 and I went back to bed for an hour till the kids got up. We did get some more sleep after that....and belive it or not, he settled down and sleep almost all day. I"m keeping my fingers crossed that he sleeps tonight. Right now he is in and out. As I was talking to my mom, I went in to check on him and he was up on the end of the bed again. This is really hard to watch, his struggle with it all. He told me tonight not to worry, we will get through this. He is always my support. Not sure what i'm going to do without him. When the nurse visited today we got his pain pump increased again. I know it sounds like alot but from what i'm told you cannot overdose when you are in pain like this, and obviously he hasn't. So he does seem more comfortable and doesn't have to hit the button as much as he was. For those of you who are wondering. He is not on morphine, he is on Delaudid. Many people think that when the pain medicine is increased they are overdosed so that they die. From what I understand that is not the case, when the meds are increased they are increased on a standard schedule. What the increase can do is relax the patient enough for them to let go. Right now, Teds dosage is being increased when he askes for it because he is in pain. I can't even imagine the pain he is in, thank god for the medicines. I hope he can rest tonight, he has a big job ahead of him.

Thursday Nov 20, 2008

Last night was not good. He had some pain, but we got it undercontrol. Jodie was a big help as she has been a rock for Ted and is very good at calming him. Today has been a pretty good day for him. He has been awake most of the day and is chatting with everyone and enjoying visitors this evening. He even asked for eggs for dinner, but he only had a bite or two. He says he wants to try and get out of bed tomorrow and walk around a bit. I don't think that is going to happen but we will have to see. The nurse comes back tomorrow morning to clean him up. Well that is all I got for today. Bella is here visiting Uncle T...got to go.

Wednesday Nov. 19

Today was ok. Ted slept most of the day and did not hullucinate. He seemed to be very clear but tired and week. The pain seems to be undercontrol. I"m thankful for that. Tomorrow will be one week since he has had anything solid to eat. He drinks water like he has never drank before. At least 5-6 bottles a day. Oh yeah he had a popsicle too. Not much else to tell today. This sucks!

Tuesday November 18.2008

Last night Ted told me, "Next week is going to be fucked up!" Today Ted found some peace. He stopped talking so much while he slept. His hiccups are gone, he stopped vomiting. I think he was reliving his life talking about his mom, saying his childrens names and talking to the guys at work. He loved his job and his business. You've got to love your job if your doing it in your sleep. Ted's sister Jodie is here with me and she has been wonderful. We have been taking turns sitting with him or at least being very close by. This gives me a chance to make dinner and chat with the kids. While sitting in our room tonight, sometimes he would just open his eyes and say "Hi". We would say hi back and sometimes he spoke more sometimes he didn't. He was comforted knowing that we were there with him. We didn't push him to talk we just listened in case he had a story to tell or a question to ask. What I think is most amazing...is I went to tuck him in and turn out the light. I asked him if he was comfortable and he said "Yes, I'm a Happy Man"

Things are changing.

Well after our "Thanksgiving weekend" things started changing. Ted was real tired and he needed sleep on Tuesday and rested. Wednesday, our counselor made a house call and visited with Ted. He sat up in bed and chatted and was very much alert. Hospice came and changed the needle in the mediport and then I got him cleaned up and dressed. He insisted on going outside in the garage. He didn't work but he sat and chatted with his father.

Thursday, he got up and I gave him a quick shower and even though he was tired he was glad he got one. Said he felt better. He pretty much stayed in bed, walked around the room a little and visited with his parents.

Friday, my mom, Brenda and my brother Jeff arrived and he seemed to have gone down hill a little more on friday. The nurse came and upped his pain pump. The pain had crepted up on him and hewas very aggitated. After the new pain settings took hold he seemed to calm himself and actually came out to the kitchen, sat in his wheelchair and visited for about a half hour.

Saturday seemed to be a very difficult day. He was very aggitated and I ended up calling Hospice again and they got the orders to up his pain medication again. Saturday was the worst day I have seen him yet. He wouldn't sleep, he told me he was ready to go. But I think deep down he was afraid to sleep. I don't think he got more than 30 minutes at a time for sleep. He did sleep a little more at night with me in the room.

Sunday he seemed to be alert again, still refusing to sleep. Still very agitated but got a good laugh at Kyle while he was mowing the lawn. Kyle can be such a clown. It was good to see him laugh. He hasn't laughed much but he can still rip one at you when you least expect it. My family left Sunday night for their trip back to NY. That night, he seemed to relax for some reason but he also started talking more in his sleeep. Not everything but a few words are clear. But he seemed to relax some. He also started vomiting on and off. They tell me that he could have a blockage. But that is normal, when things start to shut down.

Monday (today) hospice stopped by and ordered some meds for his hiccups and some other meds to help him relax. Some of these meds arn't in pill form so that is good for him. He definatley isn't clear today, he gets some clarity just before he gets sick or wants something. So in many ways i'm glad he is not clear, I would rather have him just talking nonsense then really know what is going on. Right now someone has to be close to him and i'm glad that his sister is on her way down. Hospice is going to stop everyday and they are trying to get someone to be here also for a few hours a day. He panics if he calls for someone and they don't answer. Like this morning after the kids left on the bus, I found him in the bathroom barely standing because he didn't know where anyone was. Well that is where we stand for now, things are changing quickly from one moment to the next. Thank you everyone for all your support and encourging words. Love our famiy and our friends, I don't know how we would have gotton through the last 5 years without you all.

Thanksgiving.

We had a great "Thanksgiving Day". The food, the friends, the family was wonderful. We had a couple of extra guests. Teds best friends, Steve and Mark, (brothers) dropped everything and came for a visit and dinner. Ted was so thrilled to be surrounded by family and friends. Wow...It was so real, that I was looking through the paper and saw ads for Thanksgiving stuff and I actually thought...hmmm...Thanksgiving is over. We had 14 for dinner and 3 more friends came for dessert and coffee. Some left on Sunday and some on Monday. So he has been resting. Yesterday he was doing ok, but didnt get out of bed except for a shower in the morning. Today he got up or a short time but got extremely tired and needed to go back to bed after a bit. All I can say is he is tired and is hanging in there for now. The pain seems to be controlled, we had a little breakthrough pain yesterday and today but got it under control quickly but that also caused him to be more tired. I posted pictures in myspace of our day. He hung in there so well. He was just amazing, he was my superman.

I want to say thank you to everyone who has posted notes and emails of support. Thank you for all the phone calls, and I appologize if I can't call you back or answer the phone all the time. Some nights the phone doesn't stop and I can't answer the phone. Please don't take it personally, it's just not personal. I"m tired too and not up to the questions and sadness. But don't stop calling that is not what I want. It's just....well I don't think I can explain. Love you all and thank you again. Karen

A Long Over Due Update

Time for an update. This one is not so good! I have had a good idea that it is getting closer for Ted. His urine output is getting less, he appetite has decreased and he sometimes gets a pale yellow color to his skin. I have not been able to post much about his condition, because I did not want him reading this and finding out he had less time than he thought. It kept him going and getting out of bed everyday. He is doing ok right now. He sleeps alot and is awake maybe 5 hours a day, sometimes more if he has visitors. Sometimes the love keeps him going longer. He did so well last Saturday. He got up and was wide awake, took a shower, made me take him to Homedepot for sanding discs and K-marts for a Soduko book. He finished his December book. Sunday was a different story and he seemed to start talking strange and about strange things that didn't make sense. He didn't sleep well on Sunday night or Monday night. Which means I didn't either. I called for the Hospice nurse to stop in and see him. Well they have an agreement that if he asks her how long, she is too be honest with him. So he asked her and she told him, probably weeks. He seemed to be content with that. It was a strange thing, how he accepted her answer and almost seemed relieved. I know he couldn't imagine himself going like this for another 4 months and I think that idea stressed him out. They called the Pain Managment Doctor, who by the way is awesome! even Hospice loves her. She upped his pain meds so he doesn't have to hit the button as much for an extra bolus. So he is a little more sleepy but actually a little bit more clearer then he was. I just don't want him in pain. And she promised him that he wouldn't be in pain and she has kept her promise. Thank you, Dr. D.

So where are we now? We have Ted's Sister Jodie, husband Leo and Son, Johnny and Ted kinda pulled a few heart strings and Kelly is also coming down to visit also. So all his siblings will be together one more time. Nick already lives near us in Virginia. I had mentioned to the Hospice nurses that they were coming and was thinking of having Thanksgiving dinner, as Ted puts it....Just in case! I actually thought of doing dinner because how often do we all get together. So we are having Thanksgiving dinner and Hospice was like...what can we do? So they offered to buy the food for dinner! Wow.... I was amazed at the amount of food that was provided right down to the chinet and napkins. This was an amazing gift one that meant more then money or food...just the idea that they did this for us. His sisters are going to help cook, i'm going to start tomorrow with a few things to get them out of the way. It's going to be an amazing weekend with so much love.

So many have asked how I am doing, how the kids are doing? We are doing ok....maybe not quite ok but ok enough. Some days I feel like the glue that holds us all together and sometimes I feel like the glue is cracking. The kids are amazing and are doing the best they can right now. Kyle works, has a girfriend and goes to school. Sam goes to school and helps me with Ted and around the house. The stress is difficult on them and sometimes creates tention that they don't need or even know how to handle. Well i'm being honest people. Sometimes I don't know if people really want to hear the truth, sometimes I can't speak the truth or I might just fall apart. Ever hear the song Broken by Lifehouse...that's my theme song. I have a few songs on myspace profile that are just have so much meaning.

I'll try and post more pictures soon. We dyed his hair back to brown. Most people like it better, he looks like the old Ted. His Hospice Nurse was partial to the blonde. I missed my brown hair husband. Did I mention that he has lost weight, he has lost 60lbs in two months. Maybe it was a good thing that he put on so much weight. It prepared him for this time, when he needed it the most.

So I will update again as soon as I know more, but right now we are just hanging on. Waiting, watching, loving and holding on.