Monday November 24, 2008

Today was not a good day as predicted it was worse. I've been up since 3am where I sat by his bed and tried to calm Ted. His heart was racing and he couldn't calm down. He tried several times to get out of bed but I would not let him. Believe me he tried. We had an issue with his colostomy, he ended up having a lot of blood. Not sure what the was all about. But it didn't look healtly. Hospice came and cleaned him up. I just don't do well with blood and it didn't smell real well. (this is as real as it gets people) Up until this afternoon he has been able to communicate with us a little bit. He would say I love you back. He would ask for water. He would even ask some questions or make statements. (ex. Honey...come high or hell water, you better clean up that desk) haha....go figure... But this evening seems to be the worse yet...and i've stopped and restarted this paragraph about 5 times going in to check on him. I've got tears running down my face and I don't know if i'm going to sleep tonight. I can almost read in his face that he understands me but he just can't communicate. But he also NOT just laying there comfortable, he keeps jumping, fidgeting...it's not a good thing. He can't rest....he is still restless and i've tried everything that they gave me and he just hasn't settled down yet. Somehow this is not right. I wish he would just rest, he hasn't slept almost as long as I haven't slept. But he is doing more work then I am.

Please pray that he settles down and goes with peace in his heart. So many people have prayed that he makes it through the holidays, that he gets better. There is no better and if he makes it through the holidays it will not be a holiday. I just want peace for Ted and peace for my family. You would too if you saw the tears in my daughters eyes, and the sadness in my son's face.

Sorry this was so raw...this is life.