A Long Over Due Update

Time for an update. This one is not so good! I have had a good idea that it is getting closer for Ted. His urine output is getting less, he appetite has decreased and he sometimes gets a pale yellow color to his skin. I have not been able to post much about his condition, because I did not want him reading this and finding out he had less time than he thought. It kept him going and getting out of bed everyday. He is doing ok right now. He sleeps alot and is awake maybe 5 hours a day, sometimes more if he has visitors. Sometimes the love keeps him going longer. He did so well last Saturday. He got up and was wide awake, took a shower, made me take him to Homedepot for sanding discs and K-marts for a Soduko book. He finished his December book. Sunday was a different story and he seemed to start talking strange and about strange things that didn't make sense. He didn't sleep well on Sunday night or Monday night. Which means I didn't either. I called for the Hospice nurse to stop in and see him. Well they have an agreement that if he asks her how long, she is too be honest with him. So he asked her and she told him, probably weeks. He seemed to be content with that. It was a strange thing, how he accepted her answer and almost seemed relieved. I know he couldn't imagine himself going like this for another 4 months and I think that idea stressed him out. They called the Pain Managment Doctor, who by the way is awesome! even Hospice loves her. She upped his pain meds so he doesn't have to hit the button as much for an extra bolus. So he is a little more sleepy but actually a little bit more clearer then he was. I just don't want him in pain. And she promised him that he wouldn't be in pain and she has kept her promise. Thank you, Dr. D.

So where are we now? We have Ted's Sister Jodie, husband Leo and Son, Johnny and Ted kinda pulled a few heart strings and Kelly is also coming down to visit also. So all his siblings will be together one more time. Nick already lives near us in Virginia. I had mentioned to the Hospice nurses that they were coming and was thinking of having Thanksgiving dinner, as Ted puts it....Just in case! I actually thought of doing dinner because how often do we all get together. So we are having Thanksgiving dinner and Hospice was like...what can we do? So they offered to buy the food for dinner! Wow.... I was amazed at the amount of food that was provided right down to the chinet and napkins. This was an amazing gift one that meant more then money or food...just the idea that they did this for us. His sisters are going to help cook, i'm going to start tomorrow with a few things to get them out of the way. It's going to be an amazing weekend with so much love.

So many have asked how I am doing, how the kids are doing? We are doing ok....maybe not quite ok but ok enough. Some days I feel like the glue that holds us all together and sometimes I feel like the glue is cracking. The kids are amazing and are doing the best they can right now. Kyle works, has a girfriend and goes to school. Sam goes to school and helps me with Ted and around the house. The stress is difficult on them and sometimes creates tention that they don't need or even know how to handle. Well i'm being honest people. Sometimes I don't know if people really want to hear the truth, sometimes I can't speak the truth or I might just fall apart. Ever hear the song Broken by Lifehouse...that's my theme song. I have a few songs on myspace profile that are just have so much meaning.

I'll try and post more pictures soon. We dyed his hair back to brown. Most people like it better, he looks like the old Ted. His Hospice Nurse was partial to the blonde. I missed my brown hair husband. Did I mention that he has lost weight, he has lost 60lbs in two months. Maybe it was a good thing that he put on so much weight. It prepared him for this time, when he needed it the most.

So I will update again as soon as I know more, but right now we are just hanging on. Waiting, watching, loving and holding on.